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“Having trouble sleeping?”Jonah nodded. “I heard some noises. They woke me up.”“I’m sorry. That was probably just me.”“Was that Mommy?” he asked again. He was gazing at Miles, his eyes fixed and steady. “On the television?”Miles heard the sadness in his voice, as though he’d accidentally broken a favorite toy. Miles tapped the couch, not ghd outlet knowing exactly what to say. “C’mere,” he said. “Sit with me.”After hesitating briefly, Jonah shuffled to the couch. Miles slipped his arm around him. Jonah looked up at him, waiting, and scratched the side of his face. “Yeah, that was your mom,” Miles finally said.“Why’s she christian louboutin outlet on television?”“It’s a tape. You know the kind we used to make with the videocamera sometimes? When you were little?”“Oh,” he said. He pointed to the box. “Are all of those tapes?”Miles nodded.“Is Mommy on those, too?”“Some of them.”“Can I watch ’em with you?”Miles pulled Jonah a little closer. “It’s late, Jonah—I was almost done, anyway. Maybe some other time.”“Tomorrow?”“Maybe.”Jonah seemed satisfied with that, at least for the moment, and Miles reached behind him to turnCoach Outlet the lamp off. He leaned back on the couch, and Jonah curled against him. With the lights off, Jonah’s eyelids began to droop. Miles could feel his breathing begin to slow. He yawned. “Dad?”“Yeah.”“Did you watch those tapes because christian louboutin you’re sad again?”“No.”Miles ran his hand through Jonah’s hair methodically, slowly.“Why did Mom have to die?”Miles closed his eyes. “I don’t know.”Jonah’s chest went up and down. Up and down. Deep breaths. “I wish she was still here.”“So do I.”“She’s never coming back.” A statement, not a question.“No.”Jonah said no more before he fell asleep. Miles held him in his arms. Jonah felt small, like a baby, and Miles could smell the faint odor of shampoo in his hair. He kissed the top of his head, then rested his christian louboutin pumps cheek against him.“I love you, Jonah.”No answer.It was a struggle to get up from the couch without waking Jonah, but for the second time that night, he carried his son to his room and put him in bed. On his way out, he closed the door partway behind him.Why did Mom have to die?I don’t know.Miles went back to the living room and put the tape back into beats by dr dre the box, wishing Jonah hadn’t seen it, wishing he hadn’t talked about Missy. She’s never coming back.No.He carried the box back to the bedroom closet, wishing with a terrible ache that he could change that, too.? ? ?On the back porch, in the darkened chill of night, Miles took a long drag on the cigarette, his third of the night, and stared at the blackened water. He’d been standing gucci outlet outside since he’d put the videos away, trying to put the conversation with Jonah behind him. He was exhausted and angry, and he didn’t want to think about Jonah or what he should tell him. He didn’t want to think about Sarah or Brian or Charlie or beats by dreOtis or a black dog darting between the bushes. He didn’t want to think about blankets or flowers or a bend in the road that had started it all.He wanted to be numb. To forget everything. To go back in time before all this began.He wanted his life back.Off to the side, fed by the lights from inside the house, he saw his own shadow following him, like the thoughts he couldn’t chanel outlet leave behind. Brian, he assumed, would go free, even herve leger store if Miles brought him in. He’d get probation, maybe have his license revoked, but he wouldn’t end up behind bars. He’d been a minor when it happened; there were mitigating circumstances, the judge would acknowledge his sorrow and take pity. And Missy was never coming back.Time passed. He lit another cigarette and smoked it down. Dark clouds spanned the sky above; he could hear the rain as it soaked the earth. Over the water, the moon made herve leger an appearance, peeking through the clouds. Soft light spilled into the yard. He stepped off the porch and onto the flat slate he’d sunk into the ground as a pathway. The path led to the tin-roofed shed where he kept his tools, his lawn mower. |
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30 Март 2011 с 20:02 до 21:02
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